Kid from Missouri travels

With the new Covid-19 scare and our last year in quarantine, you have symptoms you run to get tested. The two days of quarantine are horrific. I had a few cold/flu symptoms that would not go away: sinus and chest congestion. Last year I would not have thought anything about it. My allergies and the medication I use for them has ended, and my body is getting used to no medication. Weather changes cause my sinus’ to give me trouble. I may have picked up something at the gym? with all of those scenarios, I would have gone on with no thought of seeking out a doctor. I would accept it as a hiccup and move on.

This year was different.
My mother tested positive for Covid-19. My grandson had a visit with her over the last week. They like to play cards, watch movies, and play games, so they are near each other. Once I heard she tested positive and was going in for an infusion, I became nervous. I was wondering about my symptoms. So being the skeptic and the socially conscious person I am, I ran to get tested.

My mind wondered about the horror stories you hear about this virus. I began to think of all the people I touched this week. My mind races at how many people I have been around. Man! even working from home, I am socializing a lot!

Day one: I was sick with stomach issues with all that entails. I did not leave my bed or get very far from the bathroom. I tried to rest and not eat, thinking that might help, but of course, it did not. I began to think of all the food I could eat: dry toast, tea, crackers, noodles. Well, I passed on the noodles because I would have to cook them- so back to dry toast and tea or crackers and crackers. I choose cereal and oatmeal. After eating, I thought:” well, I could use this as a diet strategy?”

Then I thought: “no because I will just eat a lot once I feel better to make up for the lost time.” So back to oatmeal and crackers in between naps. I was not running a fever, so I was hopeful the test was negative- this was only a stomach bug!

My grandson was home with me because he was not feeling well either. He was so cranky my head pounded. He would become extremely active when I wanted to rest. When I was not relaxing, he was quiet. Go figure! Kids! Well, he had to learn a new math sequence, and that was not happening today! My mind raced to the alternatives: try to do it today and fight over each new piece of material or blow it off until I felt better. Well!!! I decided to wait for a better day to introduce a new math material to a child who struggles with working memory and frustration when he feels stupid for not understanding the math.

Day 1- afternoon: boy, I did not think I was going to make it here! Most of my family called, and I called or texted them back. Work called, I called back, emails came in from work, and I emailed back. That took a lot out of me! I was exhausted. I realized I was also chilled- I could not get warm, so piling more blankets on, I snuggled down in my bed while my grandson ready his ELA schoolwork.

Finally, at 3 pm: My uncle dropped off some AlkaSulsa plus for me. My grandson made it, and I drank it hungrily. I fell asleep but did not rest well. I tossed and turned with thoughts of the worst thing that could happen with Covid-19. I got up to be sure my grandson was ok and just resting in his room. He was- the house was alright, nothing a mess, damaged, or broken. For me, that was a win-win.

My grandson went home after his dad got off work, and I tried to rest but could not. I decide to put on the audio bible. Of course, it was on gloom and death, the worst things that could happen. I changed it to the gospels. So lovely to hear about healing when you are sick.

Finally, day 2: I am not feeling better but expect the test results to give me hope or direction—nothing in my email. Still feeling sick, cold, and tired, I climb back into bed. My grandson crawls into his bed- he says he does not have diarrhea, but he has sprinted to the bathroom twice in one hour. I am not sure I believe him.

Today more thoughts on what will happen if I have covid-19. What will I do if I have to go to the hospital? What if this is as bad as it gets, and I am better in a day? This virus is so strange and different for each person; it is hard to know what it will do to me if I have it. Again I think of all the people I have been around. Not wanting to scare them if I am negative but not wanting to share what I have, I begin to cancel things like Violin lessons and self-defense for my grandson. I take another day of PTO and go back to bed.

I ignored all work emails and had my grandson do his ELA tests early in the day so that I could rest in the afternoon. I begin to think of my life journey. What have I accomplished? What do I want to do? What is my retirement plan as it is only five years away? I begin to pray and repent for mistakes I may or did make. I think of the path I did choose and how God has had his hand on it all along. I wonder how he knew the mistakes I would make and the past I would choose and listen to the bible while remembering a prayer I pray: ‘ close all doors that are not for me and only open your perfect will”.

As I rest and wonder, and my mind wanders, I realize I had my answer. God had heard my prayer, and the path- not always perfect or enjoyable was the correct path he wanted me on. I never ask for his goodwill or permissive will but his perfect will. Sometimes that perfect will hurts my heart because I have to walk away from something I (my flesh) really want. Sometimes the perfect will is unbending. Lying in bed, waiting for the test results, I realize all that I have learned over the years. The classes I thought were a waste of time, the boring days and exciting nights, the sacrifices I made to move forward in his Perfect Will. All brought me to this point in my life.

Not the waiting on test results, but yes waiting on test results in a way. They brought me to this little house with my grandson, my family around me, and my love for God tried and true. I think of the scripture: all flesh will be tested, and only the gold will come to the top. (something like that- don’t ask for a quote because I have to run and find it) I was thinking of how God tested me! It seemed hard, but now it was just in the past.

My mother has covid-19, and my spiritual mother is in a nursing home. Prayers for both lead me to understand that both are in my life for a reason. My natural mother gave me physical birth, but my spiritual mother gave me life. God’s love and life in her came to me in a unique and lasting way. I think of the news I received a few days ago that my spiritual father died suddenly and remember the sorry I felt in the summer and did not know why- now I know. I think of all the times I wanted to call my spiritual parents, and God said “not now” I guess he means not on this earth.

I finally receive the test results: negative! I wonder if my illness and time for thought and reflection were to help me grieve my spiritual father and pray for my mothers. God has his timing and his way. We don’t always understand it, but I know these last few days waiting for the covid results has bought new understanding to my heart and mind.
My natural mother had the infusion and is doing better- her lungs are still cloudy, but she should do well with the treatment? Only God knows for each of us has an allocated number of days on this earth.

My spiritual mother is ever in my heart and should be going to her home with her biological daughter but she is still in a nursing home. We are given a number of days, and she is 85? I will always love the years we had as she taught me the word of God, healing, and commitment. One day I will write about her but not today- I am still a little tired.

Covid is a strange virus, and it affects each of us differently. Fear of the virus or fear/ trust in God is what we face when facing the unknown virus. Me- I choose God! His Perfect will be done every time.