Kid from Missouri travels

Is play important? What do we learn from play? In the past few days, I have been asked if a play is important to children and if it is should parents be concerned when a child talks to themselves during their play? These are very good questions, I have also had parents report concern when their children do not play.

Play comes in many different forms for children. I have some who love sensory items: they touch, explore, smell, and taste the sensory items in my office. I had a client who was on the spectrum: he came to me with no understanding of the play. He would parrot my words, rock his body, and move his head back and forth (stimming). He did not know what play was, We worked for about 6 months with Theraplay activities and structure. One day he came into my office, looked around, and asked if he could play. He took out the farm, animals, little people and began to play with a conversation. He did not line the toys up; he put some in the farmhouse, some in the yard, and moved some with the trucks. He added conversation to his play, simple words like do you want a bath? lunchtime! Mommy.

I had a client who was 12 and his play was elaborate roads, houses, and cars. He would play silently-whispering in all his conversations. This was concerning as he would not speak out loud in his play. He eventually did play with conversation when he began to feel comfortable in my office. Another client played with dolls, she would feed, cloth, and read to her ‘baby’. Her play, as with the others, was normal play for the child. Play helps our children explore their world, make sense of events or conversations they don’t understand and work through questions or concerns in their life. Play is not always the same: some are aggressive, violent, or concerns. This play should be examined further to find out what has happened in the child’s life to bring on so much aggression. Some children act out what they see – this can be a television show or video game; not always abuse in the child’s life. Some children are just so mad at events or changes in their life they act out aggressively to work through it. I had a client whose parents were separating and she just yelled when we were outside. Her understanding of the situation was immature as she was only 4-all she knew was her world was changing and she was mad. Yelling, pounding the dirt, and throwing rocks helped to release the anger, tension, and confusion enough she would talk about what was happening to her world. Play is important for children of all ages- adults need to play also.

Self-care is as important to an adult as play is to a child. Play can be healthy for everyone. When your child is playing if you are concerned with the type of play, look for themes: what is the child saying, what do they play with constantly, and if the play violent or questionable. I had a client who’s playing was always violent, he would build walls around the little animals and the large dragon would always break down the wall and eat them or hurt the little animals. This type of play due to the consistency was questionable.

Not all violent play or questionable play is wrong, what to notice is the consistency of the play, when it started to change, and the conversations while your child is playing. Children with sensory processing, Autism spectrum, or brain injury may play differently due to the need for input, touch, or understanding.

This does not make it wrong- it is just different. In my office, I have toys, games, dolls, and sensory items. The majority of my clients head to the sensory toys to help settle emotions, find focus and feel safe. Part of play is allowing the child to enjoy what they choose to play with, feel safe, and know what they say will not get them in trouble.

Playing with your child will open a new world. Using balloons, bubbles, or art supplies helps them have fun and be creative. Another thought it to make up games while you play with your children to help with memory, imagination, and sequencing. It may help to write the new rules down to help with losing and winning.

Play is one of the most important tools a parent can give a child. So go play, enjoy, and make up new games with your children. listen to them while they play to help understand what is happening in their lives. Don’t overreact to their play conversations but if concerned talk to your child and get help if you feel it is necessary. Play is the way a child learns, examines their life, releases stress and becomes themselves.

Attachment and Attunement

Time and focus on our children. Just loving them and playing with them. Winnicott wrote about the ‘good enough’ in terms of parents and attachment which develops a secure attachment in children. My favorite therapist and the considered the father of Attachment therapy is John Bowlby. Most therapists following a path of therapy which they make as their base- kinda like a foundation of what they believe and work from. Attachment theory is mine. I love the idea of using psychodynamic theory as the foundation which allows me to pull on some of what I consider great minds in therapy: it allows me to use Adler and his birth order, early memories and overcoming struggles-feeling inferior.

Erik Erikson addresses life stages and where a person is at that stage. Meaning: what is the baseline we are looking at and how do we help people reach or overcome what his holding them back. Carl Jung and his therapy on personality- dreams, collective unconscious, and archetypes. But my personal favorite is John Bowlby and attachment theory.

When we decide on how we will raise our children we do not necessarily think “I want to build a secure attachment or how do I build an attachment that will carry my child into adulthood and their adult relationships”. These may not be on our top 10 list of important items for our child’s life. We may not even know what secure or healthy attachment is. I did not know what that meant when my children were young. I had so many other things to think about- food, housing, health.

An understanding attachment was not on my list. All I knew was that I loved them, played with them and attuned to them. I never realized I was building a healthy and secure attachment. A healthy attachment will look strange to some because when you are away from your child them want to be with you. Some may call this spoiled, but it is actually a healthy, secure attachment. When a child knows they are safe with you and you will attune to their needs (know what they need or want and when to give it to them) they become secure in their abilities and begin to pull away to explore their world with confidence.

Some parents struggle with giving children the freedom to go out and explore while others may push the child out to early. When we are attuned to our children we know the right time to let them spread their wings and fly. In a daycare setting the young child who has no emotion when their parent or guardian leaves them may seem to be ‘fine’ or ‘never cried or had a problem’ making the daycare staff feel good about themselves and the child. However, the child who cries after their parent may seem to be spoiled and hard to handle. Once the parent comes back the child stops crying and runs to their mother. As strange as this seems it is a secure attachment.

While I worked in daycare centers I had children attach to me and be happy when the parents leave but once the parent comes back the child will cry or run to the parent making it seem as if the child was unhappy all day. When in fact the child was fine after the initial change in adult -parenting figure. I have had others form a strong attachment to me and when the parent came for the child they would cry for me and cling to me. This could be a sign of some trouble at home but also could be just the initial change in adult attachment figure. What is interesting with a healthy secure attachment is a child at any age can begin to learn this attachment if the parent figure is attuned, fair, focused on the child’s needs, and open -unconditionally to the child.

Working with Theraplay; an attachment-based therapy, the parent or caregiver learns to address the child at the need and emotional age. This may be hard because the child may be 11 but emotionally is only a toddler- needing constant reassurance, direction, and unconditional love to explore their world. A secure attachment will follow the child into adulthood and their adult relationships. A secure child will eventually grow to a secure adult. A few bumps and bruises follow growing up but if a child believes in themselves and has the support they need. That child will make it through the hard years with confidence. Building a secure attachment is as simple as really being there for your child. When the baby cries attune to their needs in a reasonable time.

When they fall to let them know you are there to help him get up. Giving them the space to make mistakes but helping when they need it. Listening to them when they talk- not listen with a phone in one ear or while doing something else (multitasking is not genuine unconditional listening in a way you can give honest and positive feedback).

Spending time with your children and helping them to make decisions, listening to them, and letting them make mistakes is part of attuning to your child as it builds strong, secure attachment bonds. This bond is not going to make the child soft, spoiled, or indecisive; it will actually make them stronger and creative with self-reliance and flexibility. Hearing what the child needs at any age- is important in the growth of the relationship. acknowledging their struggles and watching them overcome builds strength in the child. Attachment is not manipulation or intrusive it is allowing the other person to know you are there.

Children go through many stages while growing up. Giving them a healthy secure form of attachment will help them to understand who they are and find out what they want while giving them to confidence to speak to their parents if their goal is different than the parent figures’ goal/dreams for them. Attachment can be healthy and strong moving forward pulling us to achieve the desires of our hearts. It can also be insecure which may cause us to pull away from loved ones (avoidant), or not actually be present in the relationship (ambivalent). Attachment: healthy attachment is always possible and can be passed on from one adult to another which is the amazing attribute of attachment.

The therapist may build a strong attachment which allows my teacher to build on that attachment which allows the parents and or siblings to learn how to build a strong bond with their child. In turn, it can allow the child to develop the confidence to move in a positive path toward building a strong attachment in their own children one day. Secure Attachment the amazing ability to grow with others in healthier ways!

Emotional Language: How do we teach our children to stand up for themselves when we are not there to help them? When do we step in or allow them to grow and develop coping skills and emotional language skills which will follow them throughout their life? One of the first things my clients learn is an emotional language. We play games, role play, and used feeling cards to help with emotional language skills. We also learn to journal. Journal is a lot like vlogging or blogging only on paper. Private thoughts only you know.

My clients are allowed to use their journaling time for coloring, writing, scribbling, or just doodling. Their journaling is something I do not look at unless asked. This may seem strange as we are in a therapy session; however, my thought process is to all the children to learn to trust me. Once I have gained the trust they will always show me what has been written- in turn we can work on what is on their minds, heart, dreams, or fears.

We follow up by touching on emotional language. It is hard for children to speak to a teacher, parent, or peer when upset, frustrated, or angry-sometimes even happy moments are a struggle. When we teach emotional language we give the child a tool and skill which allows them to express themselves positively in most or all situations. We can not make the hearer accept what our child is saying or even understand what they are going through; however, we can give them the confidence to walk away with an understanding of how to take a higher road or agree to disagree.

Power struggles are never pleasant and always end badly. Teachers who are always right, want to keep order, or have a classroom agenda may be hard for our children to feel comfortable enough to approach. Parents who have high expectations, are busy or lack the same level of emotional understanding (EQ) may be a challenge for our children to discuss how they actually feel.

Teaching emotional language may not be exciting but it is rewarding!! Allowing others to express themselves positively: either bad or good helps us all to live in a life of openness and honesty. Are you ready for total honesty? Are your children ready to communicate within complete honesty and discuss their struggles?

Do we allow our children to approach us with honesty and tell us when we are wrong, address a lack of understanding, or explain what they need? Hard questions for all of us.

Anxiety: For anxiety each child is different; however, some techniques may work for all children. Loose as a noodle and stiff as a board is something most of my clients enjoy. As stress and anxiety build up in our emotions it also builds in our body. It will keep our muscles tight which makes it difficult to relax or move around freely. This game is fun for all ages making it something all groups, classrooms, or individual clients can use. It is also enjoyable and silly.

If you can get the child to move freely while swinging their arms back and forth they will actually hit pressure points while being “loose as a noodle” Children with sensory needs may have meltdowns due to the sensory input or output and not actually a tantrum. In a classroom or outing the child with special needs (and all children have them) many just need a place to be quiet, play with a fidget, or smash something ( I mean like clay…haha). Allowing them time to self-regulate or helping them to co-regulate may avoid a meltdown or embarrassing situation for the child. We hear a lot about children with different diagnoses and on this or that spectrum; however, when I was in private practice I had some on the opposite side of the scale- the gifted.

Gifted children need as many breaks for different types of sensory issues, mental breakdowns, or overloads as our children on a spectrum. These special needs children are usually missed due to their intelligence and grade point average; however, they have their own unique struggles which anxiety which can exhibit itself in defiance, low self-esteem, high achiever, or low achiever. Anxiety can be a life long struggle for many. If we acknowledge our child has these struggles we can determine the plan of action which will work best for all the parts of their day.

We can help them to live long over-comers. Not all children need medication for anxiety: some simple activities or items a bring self-regulation and allow them the opportunity to be successful. A few thoughts would be learning tapping, breathing, taking sensory breaks, time on a swing or some simply using a rocking motion.

They also can use sensory toys: clay, slime, playdoh, sand, or fidgets. All of these items/skills can help them find their own voice allowing them the opportunity to communicate to others know what helps them to relax so they can carry on with their day without judgment or embarrassment. Making our children aware of their needs, struggles, and yes diagnosis will help them to be an advocate for their success. In my initial sessions, my clients play- we just play. We find out what they enjoy, what gives them joy, and what causes stress.

We use sensory items when discussing hard issues and find what would be a good sensory box for them at home. All my clients choose clay, playdoh, sand, Lego’s, fidgets, and bendable pencils as a beginning sensory box. Each client will add their own: some like quiet spaces to roll around, others like a yoga ball, some enjoy a crash pad. I had a young man who was nonverbal when I started with him and he loved puzzles. Anxiety in children can be dangerous but as caring adults in that child’s life, we can help them to cope healthily and successfully.

meltdowns at Dad’s

My dad and I have a nice house and a lot of nice things. We mostly just hang around my house. I mostly play with my PS4 while at home. I like to ride my hoverboard when it’s nice outside. I have fun on our lake. We exercise in our basement which is cool right now.

Sometimes I have a meltdown. These happen when I get mad, then I get sad. Mostly what cheers me up is playing my video games. I have meltdowns when I have to eat food I don’t like but I am getting better with this and eating new foods because I am 9 now. I am just an ordinary kid that just likes my family. I feel safe at home and they understand me. My dad will talk to me when I have a meltdown. He knows when I am about to have one and will tell me to my room or just sit down until I am ready to talk. I had a few meltdowns at daycare so now I am with my new babysitter.

I am getting used to being good, acting calm and safe. When we have rushed around or playing wild I can’t settle down very well. I get frustrated when we have to change activities or people get wild or loud. I don’t hear very well and sounds become blurry so I don ‘t know what people are always saying. So when my friends talk to me I tap my ears so they know I can’t understand what they are saying.

I also do not mean to break things but sometimes I push or hit too hard and they break which causes people to blame me for breaking them but I did not mean to. This causes me to have a meltdown. And if you don’t understand what a meltdown is I will tell you.

It means: scared, worried, unable to calm down, and hurt. I get anxious and frustrated easily. My dad knows what to do to help me. He keeps me safe when I am home.

If you like tops and spinning toys with battles you will like Beyblades. I made a home video today showing you how to play with them. I had so much fun at home today. I know we have a travel site but we also have so much fun at home. Today we used our Beyblades and had our own tournament. I struggle with the pull cords sometimes and they end up in the pit but I love playing and watching the show. You can buy them at any store.

They are really cool and you can get the Beyblade set for only around $20.00 so it is a good price for kids. You can purchase them online or at the store. They are ok for kids your age. Once you get used to it you will know why I think they are so much fun.

My favorite color is red but I like orange also. The blades I used today were blue and orange. If you buddy says you have to make one (a battle rink) you don’t have to. Sometimes you can play with them on the floor. We had battled on my front porch. You can play with them anyplace.

Food and SPD

love bread!! but I don’t like food-real food as my dad calls it. I don’t like meat or veggies. I don’t think I eat them: vegetables. I did eat a bite of pees the other night and they were good plus my Nana gave me $1.00 for eating something new. I eat potato chips and fries: I think they count as vegetables. I don’t understand why everyone gets so upset when I don’t eat.

I really like crunchy things so most of what I eat is crackers: are all crackers the same? NO!!! I like whales, goldfish, cheez-it’s and white cheddar cheez-it’s. I think they are all different but my Nana says they are really the same? I don’t think so. I did add Scooby snacks to my list of food: something new. My Nana says they are not really new because I ate them a few years ago so I don’t get $1.00 for them. Not fair!

I eat hot dogs, Lunchables, and ham. My Nana says the things I eat are all the same so she can count them all on one hand. I don’t think bacon and little smokies are the same. They don’t even sound or taste the same. She is wrong. Also, I will eat ice cream, Oreo cookies, and pudding- only chocolate. She won’t give me money for a root-beer float. NOT Fair! it is new and two things.

But my favorite thing to eat is bread! We were taking my Nana to the doctor the other day and she said we could eat at “the Bread Co” my mouth started to water at the thought of getting my favorite bread- French Baguette Loaf. I bite the top off and turn it around to eat the bottom. I am so happy at the Bread Co sitting next to the fire and eating my bread. I order hot cocoa or chocolate milk and talk to the people around me. One day I was at the Bread Co with my Nana and my dad came in. He said I could not only eat bread all day. I showed him the new bread: Italian sliced white bread! I let him it was something new. He said it was bread not really new. What is up with that! So I reminded him I was not only eating bread- I had a Brownie in my bag. He just shook his head and walked away. Well, It was not bead. So the Bead Co is my favorite place not only because of bread: I get to meet new people and talk to them while I am eating. I find out so many interesting things about them! I wonder if they would let me film them? My Nana says we have to have them sign a paper and ask first. Maybe next time?

Lately, I have been eating at home without a tantrum or meltdown. Food is really hard for me. I don’t know why other people find it so good? The smell, taste, texture, and thought of eating and swallowing make me kinda sick. I have a friend at school who is a brought also (brings his lunch) his medicine makes his stomach sick so he can’t eat. I don’t think he even opens his lunch. I open mine because it’s always what I want to eat. My dad knows what I eat so he lets me bring it for lunch. Supper is another issue I have to eat what he gives me: that is when I ate cooked noodles and pees. Sometimes I just get to eat things I like- a corn dog or fried bologna-that is different. My dad and Nana say it is no different: but I think it is a good try at something different.

Hotdogs, corndogs, pizza, chicken nuggets, dry noodles, and the bread that is what I like to eat.