Kid from Missouri travels

Holiday meltdowns and food

Sometimes, at family events like holidays or birthdays, I become so mad. I get anxious and can’t find a way to calm down. But most of the time, I find something that will make me calm down, like this stress ball. I get excited, scared, happy, and anxious all at the same time. I try to hold it together, but by the end of the day, I usually have a meltdown. Sometimes my door is unlocked, so I can go to my room and close the door, so I do not hurt anyone. If it is locked, I go under my porch because it is long enough, I can lie down and get calm enough to come out and play again.

No one understands what it is like, and I just get so mad. Sometimes I might break some of my toys or throw things. My dad says I can’t act like that, but I can’t really stop myself. When I ask my family to stop something like playing my games or using my controller, and they don’t, I just ask again and again more nicely, but when they still don’t let me have the controller back or my toys back, I have a meltdown. I get frustrated with my cousins and others, which leads to a meltdown.

I don’t like the way I act, but it just happens. I think sometimes it is just a very long day for me with no breaks to calm down or regulate. I don’t feel anyone really understands what happens to me when we are all running around and playing. My body feels so many emotions and senses that I have a hard time describing what is going on in my body. When people push me or touch me, sometimes I stumble and may fall, which makes me very angry or hurt. Other kids can stop and get regulated, but I cannot do it as easily. I think they get scared when I become mad or have a meltdown. They try to help, but it really is not helping when they are all asking what is wrong or what happened. I don’t really know what set it off, but I know if they leave me alone, I can calm down. When they talk, they don’t understand that it is too much input, and I just need to be alone to calm down. I really don’t like them in my room, but I don’t want them to be mad at me. So, I let them in my room sometimes, or I just lock the door so they cannot get in. If I am a little mad, I will not hurt them and can still calm down.

My dad gets mad when my room is messy after they leave, and I get mad that he is mad and won’t listen to me. I don’t understand why he gets mad because I don’t make the room messy. I just let them play and ask them to clean up when they are finished, but they don’t listen. So, I am not sure what to do about that part of the holiday. I think it would be easy if I did not have sensory problems. If I were like everyone else, but I am not. I am just like me. God made me who I am, and I know He made me special.

I know other kids are like me, and at school, they ask how I manage my meltdowns because they see I am doing better at school. I told them it is because I do my exercises with my Nana. I also go to the heater if I get cold, and it helps my body get regulated. I also know when I need to have sensory exercises like proprioception and balancing. If you do not know what that is, you can go and watch Brainchild on Netflix.

I know when my body is shaky, and my hands shake, so I need to push on something, or I am hungry or thirsty, and I need to figure out what my body needs to stay calm. I don’t always know how to tell people before my meltdown or that I need space. My dad does not understand what I need most of the time, and he will get mad at me for not being like other kids. I think he helps me sometimes, but he and I fight a lot of the time when we have company. I don’t know why I can’t remember, or I hear wonky, but that makes my meltdowns come faster because I get confused and scared.

I love being with my family and friends, but I am not good at finding a stopping point before I have a meltdown. The holidays are hard because everyone is so excited, and it’s noisy and busy. I get confused about how I feel, and I think I am getting better. I want you to know I understand how you feel when you have meltdowns, sensory problems, and can’t talk about your emotions. I know it is scary. But you are not alone!