Going into 4th Grade

Opening up about my sensory issues and teachers who don’t understand

So…

I have sensory problems- and I love to travel with my Nana, so I decided it should be about those two things. I had a very hard time in 3rd grade, as I was disappointed a lot of the time because I could not do the science or fun things. My Nana made sure I did those things at home, and so much more fun stuff. We put these on my channel also.

I thought, “I need people to understand I have sensory problems.” I want them to understand what that means and why I act like I do some time.” I don’t mean to break things or get mad, but I do.” I thought if people knew me and saw me on YouTube when they saw me in person, they would say, “I know you, and I understand you have sensory problems.” I know you struggle with sensory overload, noise, hearing, and touch, so I will keep that in mind when I play with you.”

I get so tired of being the only kid who always, and I mean always, gets hurt.” I fall when people push on me, I touch things too hard, and they break, and I give high-fives to those sometimes-hurt people. I get into trouble for all these things at school. I thought if I made a channel telling people how I am, they would understand. What I found out is that other kids have sensory problems, but don’t have my Nana to work with them. They still struggle with their issues regarding sound, touch, sight, and feelings. Sometimes I see them struggling, so I help them a little bit. I still have problems because I am not all the way normal, but I can help others. I still break things, but I know I am getting better, so my anger is not as bad, and I can control it better.

My dad would say, “Stop that tantrum, and he would fight with me (yell or get mad). Now, he understands it is a sensory meltdown and lets me have time in my room to calm down. I get over my disappointment or anger in a few minutes- not an hour like it used to take me.

I still get sent to the learning lab when I am struggling, or I go to my special ed teacher. I don’t want to leave the classroom, but my teachers say,” You have to stay caught up because we can’t slow down for you. If you can’t stay caught up, go to the learning lab or Mrs. H.” I have to go even when I don’t feel like it, but if I stay in the classroom, I will have a meltdown trying to keep up, listen, work, and focus. So that is why sometimes I have to go even when I don’t want to: I can’t keep up, and it bothers me. I get frustrated and anxious. The other kids distract me, and I get angry with a meltdown.

Part of my problem is all the noise in my classroom. While everyone is working at home, home-based schooling is beneficial to me because I can catch up on my work. No one is mad at me, yelling at me, or telling me to keep up, be quiet, or do my work. My Nana sets out my work, tells me what to do, and if I have questions, she stops what she is doing and helps me until I understand. Sometimes I get to use games, Legos, blocks, or other things to help me learn. She also reads to me, and I read to her.

People will tell my dad that I come in crying for no reason. I can’t tell them the truth because no one listens to me. They always accuse me of things I don’t do. If I do them, I don’t always do them on purpose. At recess, it looks like I am playing, but I am actually running away from kids. The kids I taught were my friends, who would put me behind the wall climber. The climber I needed to use at recess to gain strength and hold me down while they would hit me. Each kid would take turns hitting me. I would be held down by 4 kids while one would hit me. No one knew because I could not tell them, not even my Nana. I tried to take care of this myself, but it never worked. Running faster would work.

The kids were still mean, and if I brought a ball for soccer or kickball, they would take my ball. They would tell me I could play, but only knock me down and hit me. The teachers would look away. I hate being the kid who always gets hurt and people don’t listen to.

I don’t like school because my teachers don’t always help me when I need it. Sometimes they do, but if I get behind, they just say, “You have to keep up,” which doesn’t help me. I understand that the other kids need to stay on track. I do like my teachers because they are nice and usually let me participate in fun activities. Last year was difficult, but this year has been better and I haven’t missed many fun things.

One thing that happened to me in the 4th grade was covid 19. I did not have to finish school in person and did not continue in person throughout my middle school years. It actually helped me to learn how to fight, communicate, and advocate for myself.